When do learning curves give way to the straight open roads of life? The ones where you can hit cruise control and just go for a while, listening to some good tunes. Recently, my life seems to be quite curvy, with new lesson popping up around every corner.
Growing up I had my life well mapped out. I could literally visualize the road map, and back then the road seemed pretty straight. There were endless years of schooling ahead of me. Then marriage, and children- just like all the books told you back then. I remember visualizing this road map as a child, and after the "have kids" turn there was this big black hole. Because no one ever talked about what you did after that. It was just life...grow up, get married, have kids, live. But what would the live look like?
Everything in that colorful part of the map I had visualized actually turned out eerily close to what was laid out. I completed my schooling in the time allotted for it. Within a few years of graduating I had married the blond hair, blue-eyed musician I had envisioned would provide me (the athletic, brunette) with the most well balanced offspring genetics could produce. Then, two years after marriage we were blessed with that most well balanced offspring. I did it: I went to school, grew up, got married, and had a child. NOW WHAT?!
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| The curving path to our yurt |
I had never really had any concrete ideas of what life would be like after I did what I was supposed to do. Remember, this is where the black hole took over my road map. Sure I had dreamt of some pretty crazy ideas, but nothing that any normal mother would do. As far as living I had no idea what that would be like either. I dreamt of tree houses and geodesic domes, but lets get real- I grew up in the burbs- box homes were what I knew. As a child I had spend evenings ripping our pictures from catalogues and magazines, designing my dream home. Filling it with sofas, beds, new appliances, even a cute husband and children.
So now, in my real life, I have to temper my dreams with my realities. I love my yurt, nestled peacefully in our woods. Pulling into our driveway and the birdsong and squirrel chatter takes over; ambling down the winding path, now covered with fallen maple leaves and entering the cozy, naturally lit yurt I never want to leave. Still, I find myself occasionally day dreaming of those box houses, where heat comes on with the flip of a switch and various rooms provide seclusion.
But there are no rooms in this yurt. Just a more recent curve in my life: being a housewife. How is it that the home maintained itself fairly well when we were both working away full time, but now that I am here full time, it seems harder than ever to keep up. At the end of the day, how do I convince a husband who has been doing heavy lifting and swinging a hammer, I am as sore and tired as he is- even though I may still be in the clothes I awoke in, and haven't left the house all day. How do you keep you self worth up when your daily accomplishment is no longer measured by the number of clients contacted or bottom lines but instead by dishes cleaned, and meals cooked?
That’s where Jr. comes in; and the curves of motherhood. Once you think you have something figured out, your child changes and a whole new solution needs to be found.
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| We find the magic after the curves. |
Now, I am experiencing the most recent curve; a totally uncharted curve: blogging. My journal has been the main audience for most of my thoughts since around fifth grade. I had never felt writer’s remorse with my diary; never had to worry after putting pen to paper whether or not the ideas were worthy enough. So, I guess what I am trying to say is, I apologize to you early followers as I get the handle of this blogging thing. As I told my friend, I just have to get my fingers used to dancing in this keyboard. I will try to keep it interesting, so it can be something for me and for you.
I guess that is just it. The curves are the lessons themselves... what would it really be like if life was so easy you could hit cruise control...seems robotic now that i think of it... passionless.
